a little جهاد‎ on the side

This L. luctuosa has nothing to do with this content, but I hate not having a pretty picture somewhere.

This week I have been blessed with some difficulties. I am not the pious, self-flagellating sort, but sometimes a struggle is a good thing.  It has been, in many ways, a traditional jihad in the strictest sense.

To a devout (but not insane) Muslim, the idea of a jihad is not a war against the infidel Christian (or whomever doesn’t agree with them).  It is a holy struggle, not a war, and it is usually a struggle with one’s own frailties and weaknesses.

So I struggle.  I face myself in the mirror and ask myself, “Is that really who you are?”

It is not a comfortable conversation.  There is a broad spectrum between saint and sociopath, and we all carry a little of each.    The question one must ask oneself regularly is “Where do I need to change?”  Facing your weaknesses, I’ve found, is difficult and sometimes disheartening and depressing, but the alternative is a complete lack of self-awareness.  I don’t mean to say this is a continuous process, which is pretty much masochism and self-flagellation.  This does not lead anywhere near the light.

On the other hand, I’ve met enough people who can’t say “I was wrong” to save their lives.  Most of our politicians avoid the W-word like the plague of locusts, usually because if they say “I was wrong,” the other side of the aisle is quick to point out the accuracy of that statement and then present themselves to the world as completely free of guilt.

I said “I was wrong” a lot this week, and I was.  It’s not a fatal malaise, but it does lead me to ask the questions about what I do vs. what I am.  Integrity, that internally consistent fact-checker, needs to be firmly in place for our society to work properly.  Our society is no stranger to dis-integrity, which leads to disintegration…the falling apart of things, from whole to parts, often useless in their unassembled, scattered-across-the-floor state.

But society is society…I’m just me.  If I can look in the mirror and say, “Today, I will have integrity — I will be who I am, act as I am supposed to in consistent harmony with my values,” it’s a good day.  If a few thousand world leaders would do the same, it would transform the planet.  Wars?  Probably not.  Famine?  Nope.  We’d share. Ethnic violence?  Elimination devoutly wished.  I’m not sure if every social problem would disappear, but a lot of them would.

But if I don’t live up to my own standards, I’ll be needing a little more جهاد. Not worried about it, it’ll come.  No need to ask for it.  The world makes جهاد necessary.

I am richly blessed with countless blessings, my wife and family being the principal ones, with friends shortly thereafter.  Stuff (even canoes) is way down on the list.  I hope you all have similar opportunities as I do, even if it causes some introspection, and perhaps even a little pain.

Respectfully and lovingly submitted,

Canoelover