adventures of a canoelover

It’s weird.  A large percentage of wildflowers and plants in Wisconsin are of the species canadensis or canadense.  Makes me think that Linnaeus was getting some Canadian nookie while he was churning out the names of classifications of things.  Like this Asarum canadense (Wild Ginger).

Or Eastern Redbuds (Cercis canadensis).

Or Mountain Columbine (Aquilegia canadensis).

Or Bloodroot (Sanguinaria canadensis).  

Point is, half the bloody plants in my backyard seemed to be named for Canada.  Even some of the birds (Sitta canadensis) are getting in on the whole Canadian thing.

For the time being I’ll allow it, but if this continues I’m going to start sending you invasive species, so watch out Canadians.  I’ll send you Arrogant Faux Cowboys (Homo Texasiana) or Snobby Effete East Coasters (Homo Bostoniata), and perhaps some west coast variants (Homo Orangecountius Republicanii).  Worse, I could introduce the ultimate Ugly American (Homo touristica). At any rate, you Canadians will beg for mercy.

That, or I’ll just have to move to Canada.  Go with the flow, eh?

Respectfully submitted,

      Canoelover

So we bought an old house ten years ago.  It has been uninhabited for a couple years, and before that a widow lived there alone for ten years.  In realtorspeak, there had been some deferred maintenance.  That’s what realtors say when the roof leaks and there’s an 80-gallon electric hot water heater.  Some hot water heater salesman is hopefully frying in hell for selling a widow with a 30 gallon bathtub an expensive monstrosity.

We have poked away at remodeling, redoing one bathroom, adding another bathroom in the basement, refinishing wood floors, etc.  And my wife has stripped several square miles of hideous wallpaper (wallpaper is evil).

The kitchen will need a remodel at some point, but it’s functional, but the bathroom upstairs…pink carpeting over green linoleum, pink and white tile in the shower, and faux marble sink and vanity.  Mold on the walls and really ugly lighting.  In short, something that looks good in 1972 probably needs an update.  That, and as the only room with carpeting in the house, it attracts Gracie, who likes to back-scratch on the carpet.  So not only is it ugly, it smells like Black Lab.

Since we can’t afford a contractor, we decided to contract it out ourselves, working with Adam, a great guy /neighbor / carpenter.  He’s helping me do the big stuff.  I have a plumber and electrician retained, and we’ll do the tile ourselves.  The walls will be cedar and unfinished.

Surprise — the plumber who is usually booked up for a month or two is free next week.  So we got a lotta work to get done before he comes.  This project just got fast-tracked.

So if I don’t write much about canoes (which is, after all, what I should be writing about), forgive me.  I’m sorta busy hauling buckets of drywall to the utility trailer.

Oh, for the record, I hate remodeling.

Respectfully submitted,

     Canoelover

Wood Violets (Viola papilionacea) are considered weeds by some people.  Those people would be ill-bred, slack-jawed, boorish, hirsute yet prigish troglodytes who need everything just a certain way.  Their lawns look like golf courses and are just as toxic.  They are everything I hate about suburbia: the guise of perfection.  These lawns are, to quote Jesus, “like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness.*” 

This morning I went to the Arb to take pictures of the Spring ephemerals.  Not too many up yet, I guess it’s shadier than our backyard.  Found a few Sanguinaria canadensis (Bloodroot) plants and a nice patch of Dentaria laciniata (Cut-leafed Toothwart).  Still a week early for the Dutchmen’s Breeches and the Hepatica are late too.

American Beech (Fagus grandifolia)

So instead I took pictures of bark. With nothing else around to distract me from the textures, it was an easy adjustment to go from looking down for ephemerals to looking sideways at trees.  Beeches, oaks, hickories, tamaracks, and maples were all represented.  Pretty cool.

There was an old growth oak that had some moisture running down the side, oozing from a sore, a symptom of a disease that often afflicts older oaks.  Upon closer inspection, there were dozens of tiny slugs (I prefer to think of them as homeless snails).  I actually like mollusks of all sorts, especially the giant land snails I found in Hawaii.

For the most part, most all mollusks are quite beautiful if you look at them the right way, that is, if you really see them as they are (beautifully textured, subtle coloring), not as we are told to see them (disgusting slimy things).  The order Nudibrachia (a collection of sea slugs) are brightly colored, almost surreal in their vibrant hues and patterns.  Same family as the lowly slug, don’t forget that.

There were birches (genus Betulaceae)

There were cherrywood trees (Prunus serotina).  Not to be confused with cherry trees.

And of course, Shagbarks (Carya ovata).

Anyway, a nice walk in the Arb, even though I didn’t find what I set out to find.

Respectfully submitted,

  Canoelover

Voice:  “May I speak to Mr.  [Canoelover] please?”

…but it is coming.  It’s inevitable.

So today I got an email from a sales rep.  That is normal.

“Everyone will eventually have the opportunity to read everything ever written.”

Injury:  Having to buy a suit.