Labor Day on the Wisconsin River


Labor Day is a sweet end-of-summer treat, like a cookie after you think you’ve emptied the Oreo tray but find that stray hidden by the wrapper. It’s an unexpected little bonus, and Labor Day always catches me by surprise like the hidden Oreo.

Sure, you could find a bourgeois capitalist captain of industry and hang him from a lamppost in honor of the exploited workers, but Kenny Lay already has his karmic comeuppance, so let’s have a peaceful coexistence of labor and capital, okay?

Anyway, I feel the best thing to do on Labor Day is paddle. The tricky part is to find a place where all the other people in the universe who have the same idea as you don’t want to go too. The Lower Wisconsin on Labor Day (or any holiday) is usually a zoo, full of folks who are more interested in beer than the beauties of the River.

Well, like Yogi Berra used to say, “No one goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.” We chanced the section from Spring Green to Lone Rock, about eight miles. We could not have been more rewarded by our leap of faith. We saw a few folks early on at the put-in, but by the end of the shuttle no one was there, and we saw no one on the entire stretch.

But first the confession of stupidity. For this trip we took four kayaks and a canoe so that Gracie could come along. I packed all the kayak gear, but forgot to throw in a canoe paddle. I could not assume that Ian would have grabbed his, so we found ourselves at the put-in without a canoe paddle. Oops.

We ran the shuttle, and I planned on grabbing a paddle somewhere in Lone Rock. The bait shop, the Oar House*, was closed, so we found ourselves looking for a canoe trailer so we could perhaps find a livery. As we passed an old brick building, we spied two old wooden paddles sitting against the wall, looking like they hadn’t been moved in a while, so I pulled into the driveway, got out and and poked around, calling out for an occupant. With no answer, I reluctantly appropriated one of these old paddles, and we were on our way.

By the time we ran the shuttle, canoes were starting to pile up at the beach, but they were running their shuttle, so we launched alone.

It was an almost perfect day, warm with a slight tailwind (never happens on this River), and the water was cool and refreshing. Once we figured out we were going too fast we stopped and played in the water for a good half-hour. Just sitting in the River with your back to the current in 18 inches of water is like getting a gentle massage. Gracie ran herself into exhaustion chasing tennis balls. We ate dried mangoes and reluctantly got back into the kayaks.

One of my reasons for this trip (or better said, one of the ways to make this trip a tax deduction) was to test the new Delta 12.10. A shorter polycarbonate kayak, this little boat has a lot of capacity, and promised to be a wonderful little boat for short trips on smaller rivers.

Well, it is. A little sluggish after paddling a boat five feet longer, but for a kayak its size, it’s a sweet little craft. Everyone who paddled it enjoyed it, and Ian ended up in it for the last stretch, and he gave it a thumbs-up. I think it will do well next year.

The time on the water was too short but it always is. We loaded up, dropped off the borrowed paddle** and headed for Culvers. On the way I saw this giant ear of corn. I cannot pass giant fiberglass items without taking a picture. Call it a weakness.

Tired but grateful,

Canoelover

* Say it like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Hardy har har.

** We wrapped it with a twenty-dollar bill for rental fee. The paddle was worth about $7.00, so my karmic conscience is clean.

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Talk about esoteric careers…


Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Akula Veedi.

I can only assume he is the President of the International Guild of Giant Ganesh Painters. Sorta cool, no?

I’ve always been fond of Ganesh, since my friend Gauri gave me a little plaque with all the attributes of Ganesh on it. If you’re going to be Hindu, you better get behind Ganesh. He’s one of four major deities, according to Gauri, who is in-the-know. He’s supposed to be wearing a belt made from a cobra, and I see no cobra here. It’s a defining feature, so this may be a sort of Ganesh that the Vatican would oppose if the Hindus had a Pope.

Ecumenically yours,

Canoelover

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The new Remix 100


Shane Benedict, designer for liquidlogic, and a half-cord of Remix 100s.

At Outdoor Retailer in Salt Lake I saw a few new boats that turned my head, I’ll be posting about them (to make up for the complete lack of paddling content lately).

Before we talk about the Remix 100, you need a bit of history. As few as 10 years ago, most whitewater kayaks were long — over ten feet. Some of the radical playboaters had sub-ten-foot boats, but they were on the cutting edge. 25 years ago everything was made of fiberglass and resin. My first whitewater kayak was 13 feet long…a 1982 Perception Mirage, as pictured.

That giant yellow banana is an actual Mirage (the only image I could find on Google, no kidding). The car is thankfully not mine. Thanks to the person who posted this or else no one would ever know just how big and yellow that boat was.

So what I’m saying here is that for a ten-footer to be considered long is sorta humorous for us old-school gray/bald/both boaters. Over the past decade or so boats have become increasingly tiny. Sub-six footers are not uncommon, and they require a Houdini-like ability to fold yourself and a disregard for having any feeling in your toes. The good news is that they allow skilled paddlers to do amazing things like this:

That’s my buddy Yonton doing a clean blunt. Pretty cool, huh? I can admire this sort of athleticism from afar. I can stay upright and surf, flatspin and do unintentional manky moves…that’s the limit of my skillz.

Anyway…the Remix is a series of user-friendly whitewater kayaks designed to allow the paddler to enjoy the river while sitting in the paddling equivalent of a barcalounger. I first demo-ed a Remix 69 at the US National Whitewater Center in Charlotte, NC. It was really cool…very, very comfortable in the Class III-IV stuff the artificial course throws at you.

What Shane wanted was a multi-day trip whitewater boat that could be self-sustaining, so he stretched out the shorter Remix 69 out to 10 feet, narrowed it up a bit, and added a cool drop-skeg to allow the Remix 100 to track on the flatwater sections. In short, an enduro kayak, perfect for unsupported trips on big western rivers or any river for that matter.

I want one. I don’t need one, but I want one. If nothing else, it’s a great boat into which you could place a beginner without worrying about them spinning in circles on a Class I-II river.

And here’s what the Remix can do in the hands of a competent paddler like Shane. If you picture in your mind’s eye the Remix going over the falls backwards, and replacing the white helmet with a yellow one, then that is a reasonable facsimile of what I would like like running that drop.

For a cool blog post about how the Remix was designed and built to prototype stage, check this out.

Feeling humbled by Shane’s considerable paddling and designing talent,

Canoe(kayak)lover

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A pensive day…


So I worked today, mostly talking to nice people and helping them find the right boats for their paddling needs. I love doing this.

I spent a good chunk of the afternoon buried in reports, trying to figure out what to buy next year in the world of canoes. Lots of canoes, probably too many of them, and everyone has new stuff but they never seem to retire old models. This adds to complexity, and in a business, complexity is expensive.

As I sat feeling sorry for myself, I got a text message from a friend telling me that a couple I have know for over a decade are splitting up. XY has a new XX, etc. etc. etc., doesn’t want to make it work, etc. etc.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself anymore, but I am furious with the XY half of the couple. XX is a wonderful woman and will eventually come out of it better, most likely. XY will regret his new XX and his stupid decision soon, and for the rest of his life.

There is no excuse for cheating. I don’t care if “she completes you” ala Jerry McGuire, or if he’s “your soulmate” ala He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Don’t like your spouse? Then either a) get therapy or b) get out. Don’t take c), diddle around with a co-worker while you’re waiting for your green card to arrive or d) act like a frat boy with priapism and chase skirts while your wife runs the household (and earns most of the money). It’s a) or b), people.
The bottom line is that if someone would do it to their spouse, there’s no reason they wouldn’t do it to you later. Live with that one, XY.

Fighting the urge to drive up north with a crowbar,

Canoelover

P.S. I will follow up with a pleasant post about canoes as soon as I can. Sorry to lay this on ya, but I needed to post the Canoelover Marriage Manifesto. I’ve been married to Mrs. Canoelover for almost 25 years so I know a thing or two.

P.P.S. Remember — a) or b). Preferably a).
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Shot a wedding for a friend…



…and as usual the kids were the main attraction (after the bride, natch). Drew (the one on the left in the disheveled mock tuxedo) is the groom’s kid, and a sweet kid at that. He just barely held it all together for the ceremony, after which he high-tailed it for the lake to throw rocks, but not before the gun show as shown above.


Weddings are happy occasions, but especially so when the bride and groom have found each other after both their first spouses went off the deep end. But this marriage…I think it’s gonna be a good one.

These are sweet people who deserve all the happiness they can make, and make it they will. Their two little kids are friends already and it looks like their little family is going to blossom.

So this is my wedding toast to Rob and Nicole:

“May your ex-spouses meet line-dancing in a country-western bar, drink too much tequila, fly to Vegas and marry at a ceremony officiated over by an Elvis impersonator, and immediately after move into a trailer park in Rockford, Illinois.”

It would be a karmic justice if it were to happen, believe you me.

Feeling like the world is a better place tonight,

Canoelover

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A visit from Amber the Dog


A very nice couple came in tonight to get a kayak they could use to take out Amber, their dog.


Looks like Amber is catching on rather quickly.

Canoelover

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This is perfect…



Another perfect Nietzsche Family Circus.

http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/perm.php?c=31&q=257

Philosophically submitted,

Canoelover

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Had some fun on the radio today…



I am an irregular guest on Wisconsin Public Radio with Larry Meiller, the host of mid-day talk radio on Wisconsin Public Radio. He usually smiles more than this, but anyway…


Lots of good calls, 10 or 12 in 40 minutes on air. Nice people asking good questions.

If you want to hear it archived, you’ll find all Larry’s shows here. My show from today is here. Ignore the guest listed, it was posted wrongly, and click on

Wishing you both Frequency and Amplitude Modulation,

Canoelover

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Way to get down with your inner lithic


You know you want to…

Paleolithically yours,
Canoelover
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Beautiful…


…morning.

…flowers.

…wife.

All is well,

Canoelover

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