wife 1.2b

Some folks have asked me what all the wife X.X stuff is about.

Here’s the best explanation.

For those of you who still use an abacus when you run out of toes, software manufacturers use numbers to show how their software has been updated to the latest version.  So you have Windows 3.1 or Photoshop 7.0 or other such designations.  The software doesn’t change radically; it’s just given a few more features, bugs are fixed (new ones created, natch), and they make a few bucks charging you for a program that has been significantly improved, or so the saying goes.

People can be similar to software.  I feel all people should always be trying to improve themselves in some way, large or small.  With no designation to note specific accomplishments for people, I adopted the computer science model.

Anyway, both of us are committed to not have a Spouse 2.0.  Given that Newt is on Wife 3.0 (I think she might have been Mistress 2.0), I think it’s important to state your intentions,  both privately and publicly.

My lovely wife started as Wife 1.0 over 27 years ago, but was upgraded as she accomplished cool things that really stretched her physically and emotionally.  When a milestone was achieved (like nailing her Eskimo roll), she got an upgrade.  The letters are for smaller but no less significant achievements.  The latest update from 1.2a to 1.2b was for letting me buy a canoe without her approval.*

Wife 1.2b has been with me for over 27 years now.  I’m sure anxious to keep her, and from the rumors I hear she’d like to keep me too.  Now she’s off to the Wind River range in Wyoming for a two week backpacking trip as part of her Master’s program in Experiential Education.  One of the reasons I love Wife 1.2b so much is her interest in growing.  I imagine when we’re both old and gray she’ll be Wife 1.999z or something like that.

I am Temporary Bachelor 1.0.  This means I can eat what I want when I want, watch all the movies she hates (Spinal Tap being the prime offender), and hang out with the guys for a while.  Sure.   Sounds great.  For about three or four days.  At this point I’m throwing myself into work to keep my mind occupied.  Or writing a lot (just finished another free-lance article).

Wife 1.2b is a goof, a by-product of teaching hormone-drenched middle schoolers the finer points of math and algebra.  When someone gets this excited about a cream puff, you know you married up.  It’s the random goofy stuff that doesn’t happen around here when she’s gone.

I’m rambling.  Time for bed.  Maybe Dog 3.0 will join me for a while.

Respectfully submitted,

Canoelover

* Actually, the upgrade is for not killing me for buying a canoe without her approval.  Hey, she’s in Wyoming?  What’s a guy supposed to do when someone drops a Racine Boat Company 15 foot Chippewa wood/canvas boat in your lap?  One that was made sometime between 1906 and 1924?  I need a serial number…seriously. What a guy is supposed to do is consult with his Wife 1.2a.  But I didn’t.  Hence the upgrade.